"It wasn't the first time she's allowed herself to be... abducted. I can't keep on going off to the ends of the Earth to get her back, it...it makes me a laughing stock."
Achilles and Hector are fighting on the plains of Troy. Hector is a great big monkey man of a warrior and Achilles is what would be referred to as a punch and judy hitter in baseball. Achilles has next to no chance against the superior Hector, but manages to keep himself alive by running out of reach when the going gets too tough. The two are trading insults, barbs and mild exposition.
The TARDIS materializes in the midst of this. The two warriors are too caught up in their battle to pay it any heed. Inside the TARDIS the travelers look on the scene with some curiosity. The Doctor thinks that they might be Greeks based on their outfits. He decides, over Steven's and Vicki's protests, to go out and talk to the two men.
The conversation between the Greek and the Trojan has turned to the gods. Achilles claims that Zeus will come down and help the Greeks. Hector says that if Zeus tries to help the Greeks than he'll trim his beard.
As if on cue the Doctor walks out of the TARDIS. Hector kneels in supplication at the arrival of the presumed deity. Achilles takes advantage of the situation and runs Hector through.
The Doctor isn't thrilled with this slaughter and wants to return to the his "temple," but Achilles isn't going to let Zeus go that easily.
While they are going back and forth Odysseus arrives. His initial reaction to seeing Hector's corpse is that the muscle-bound Trojan died of plague. When Achilles claims to have beaten him, Odysseus can only believe that Achilles (or Lightfoot as he calls him) out ran the Trojan and induced a heart attack.
Odysseus doesn't buy the story that the Doctor is Zeus. He figures that he's a Trojan spy and wants to bring him to Agamemnon to deal with.
Odysseus is a dick. You can't hear this one without thinking that he deserve to take the long way home.
Agamemnon and Menelaus are deep in conversation as the Doctor, Achilles and Odysseus are returning.
This conversation offers a fun deconstruction of the Trojan War. Instead of two figures of myth and legend, they come off as two brothers tired of ten long years of war over a woman and some trade routes. As Menelaus says, this wasn't the first time that she was "abducted." His brother's response is that Menelaus knew what kind of woman that she was when he married her.
The Doctor doesn't make the best of impressions on Agamemnon when he tells him that he has divine knowledge and offers the Greek ruler's wife's adultery as an example.
It's finally decided to put the Doctor under a sort of house arrest. If he is a god, then they haven't shot themselves in the foot.
Steven leaves the TARDIS to find the Doctor. He forces Vicki to stay behind, claiming that her twisted ankle wasn't up for the trip. She's not thrilled with that; she had hoped to meet the heroes.
Steven is caught entering the camp by a one-eyed man named Cyclops and Odysseus. Steven feigns ignorance of the Doctor and Odysseus means to put that to the test.
The Doctor pretends to not care about Steven's life, suggesting that a Trojan spy should simply be killed. When Odysseus draws his sword, the Doctor reveals his true feelings. The Doctor does manage to cover by saying that he didn't want the Trojan's blood to dirty Agamemnon's tent.
The Doctor proposes that the Trojan would be a fitting sacrifice and tells them that he will demonstrate a miracle tomorrow morning on the plains where his temple is.
Then the other shoe drops and we discover that the plain is clear; the TARDIS is gone.
Up next: Small Prophet, Quick Return
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